What do you do? The guest pastor, invited by the family of the deceased, has taken over the service being held in your sanctuary. Like most pastors, you boil inside and say nothing.

Brother Paul, eighty-two years young, retired and serving as interim, faced a similar situation. He is a man of the "old school" of preachers and has seen it all before. The visiting Pastor (from a different denomination) ignored the order of worship prepared by Brother Paul and proceeded to "preach the departed brother to hell and back". His words were deliberate as he played on the sympathies of the family; friends and acquaintances joined in the hour of sorrow. Brother Paul could do nothing and sat silent fuming. The concluding remarks and dismissal to the cemetery came well over an hour after everyone was seated. Paul was livid with anger and filled with disgust and took the first opportunity to let the brother know he would not be welcome again.

I'm sure almost every pastor has some horror story to tell of guest pastors. We wonder how these fellow pastors can be so brazen. These guests lack tack and project scorn of the host pastor. A guest minister is a guest and should behave as one. How welcome would a former guest be at your home if on a previous visit he or she had slept in your bed wearing muddy shoes? A welcome guest is the one who respects your home and family. Sadly, some guests we have visit our pulpits leave us wondering what diploma mill issued their credentials and whose calling they have heeded.

A professor once remarked that "seminaries are to broaden a student's horizons, not for molding duplicate copies". There is truth to the statement but just as teaching Old Testament History, there are some facts that should be presented. An ethics course should teach, "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Elaboration upon this simple truth for prospective and hopeful pastors to be should emphasize "do unto host pastors as you would have them do to you when you are the host."

Funerals, weddings, joint community services and other occasions in which a visiting pastor share the duties should not be a matter of one-up-manship. Rather, respect and graciousness should be the rule.

I once was invited to participate in a New Year's Eve Watch Night Service. We had five guest speakers and each was allotted an equal amount of time to speak. Three of the five took well more than their allotted time and consequently the other two men had little or no time. The service as a time of praise was ruined because of the egos of those men. Those attending the service were overheard to say some very unkind things about the long-winded speakers. The host pastor drew considerable criticism for his failure to plan an orderly service.

Professional Courtesy is not an endeared term to our ears. We, who are called and ordained ministers of the Gospel, are uncomfortable with professionalism. Yet, we are professionals because of our training and specialization. People have placed us on pedestals and hold us in high regard whether we like it or not. Our society has a long history of respecting the men whom God has called out. The position is one of sacrifice and people are taught that because of the sacrifice, respect is due. In the military, it is the uniform, which is saluted, and not the man. The position we hold within the church is worthy of respect by others even if we have not proven ourselves worthy of such respect.

The congregations we serve expect the same level of respect and courtesy they show to their pastor to be shown him by any visiting pastor. In a local church, an evangelist felt the heat of the congregation after making their pastor the butt of many jokes. They did not appreciate that form of humor or the manners of the evangelist. He was not invited back to that church nor churches in that area.

Jesus taught that when you are invited to a banquet, you take the lowest seat in the house. If the host of the banquet deems you worthy of honor and respect, he will call for you to sit at another table. If you take the place of honor without having been invited to do so, you may find yourself in a very embarrassing situation. It would be sad to be asked, in front of your peers, to take a lesser seat.

Pastors and other ministerial professionals are not to be self-serving. We serve at the pleasure of God and for the glory of God. When a man begins to think more highly of himself than he should, he will find himself on the outside looking in. The circle of friends and acquaintances a man has enjoyed begins to shrink according to the enlargement of his own ego.

To have a friend, we have heard, you must be a friend.

SOME GUIDELINES

1. An invitation from a fellow minister is just that "an invitation." It should not be regarded as license to set your own agenda. Worship services and other special occasions are thought out and planned well in advance of the invitation. Expectations and goals are already in the host's mind if not on paper. Given time and perhaps in some cases prodding, the host will be more than happy to share those expectations and goals.

2. Before agreeing to conduct a wedding or a funeral at another church, check with the pastor of that church. Members often have strong relationships with former pastors and take comfort in their presence and officiating. Often, they will contact the former pastor without letting the current pastor know of their plans. When such requests are made, let it be made known that you will speak with the current pastor about arrangements. The current pastor will be much more helpful and disposed to be congenial if contacted.

3. Courtesy should extend to visiting. Pastors form relationships with their members and those relationships sometimes last for a lifetime. It is difficult to divorce oneself from those relationships when we are called to another field of service. It is not necessary to call the current pastor and inform him or her of your intention to visit a former member. But, while visiting, the current pastor's performance should be off limits in the course of conversation. Each new pastor should be allowed to make relationships and mistakes in his pastorate. The specter of former pastors is hard enough to work through without the dead dropping by to chat.

At a former pastorate I had a terrible problem with a former pastor. He mailed newsletters to each member of the former congregation each week. His new congregation was less than fifty miles away and both congregations were often in the same hospitals. He visited and counseled as many of the members of the church as I did. His presence and his influence eventually led me to seek another pastorate.

4. Ministering to the bereaved is always a sensitive matter. I have practiced letting the pastor of the bereaved person take the lead in ministering. Should a family member of the congregation pass, I let that pastor be recognized as the primary caregiver. I am present to offer sympathy and the condolences of the congregation I serve and take my clues from the pastor of the deceased.

5. Pastors are often asked to visit members of other congregations who are institutionalized. This I believe is as much the work of the pastor as preaching. However, such visits are not to be used to "steal sheep". Ministering and evangelism are different endeavors and should be recognized as such. Professional courtesy lifts up the pastor of the person institutionalized and his ministering. A pastor who visits the member of another congregation will take the time to contact the pastor of that individual. The pastor will appreciate new information about the member and be better equipped for a follow-up visit.

6. Professional courtesy extends to professional gatherings. Many years ago I interviewed for a position selling meat for a meat packer. During the interview, I criticized a meatpacking competitor. The person interviewing me taught me a lesson when he said, "The worst thing to do is criticize the competitor’s products. To do so cheapens your own product." To speak critically of a fellow pastor cheapens your own ministry. We are to encourage not discourage, to lift up not tear down.

A professional is one who is well versed in his or her vocation.